Have you or someone you know recently lost their job? Losing your job can be a very traumatic life event, especially if you did not see it coming. As someone who has been made redundant twice in my career, including one very sudden and unexpected redundancy, I know how it feels. Our job is often more than just the way we make our living, it is also how we see ourselves, as well as the way others see us.
For many of us, our job will also give us a purpose and a structure to our life. To suddenly find yourself out of work can understandably leave you feeling angry and confused. Consequently, losing a job can be like many other forms of loss and it can involve a grieving process.
In 1969, a psychiatrist called Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five popular stages of grief, now referred to as the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle model. Her model shows the five 5 stages of grief as – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are part of a framework that makes up our learning to live with what we have lost. These five stages are not always linear, and some people may not experience any of them. Whereas others might only undergo two or three stages rather than all five.
The Five Stages
Denial
This is the stage that can help you survive the loss of your job. You might initially think life makes no sense and even start to deny the news of your job loss. You are ultimately in a state of shock because life as you once knew it, has changed in an instant.
However, what denial also does is help in slowing down your feelings of grief. Instead of becoming completely overwhelmed with grief, you deny it, do not accept it, and therefore stagger its full impact on you. Once the denial and shock begin to fade, then the start of the healing process begins. At this point, all those feelings that you once suppressed are starting to come up to the surface.
Anger
Once everything sinks in, this is where the anger can start. It is quite common to think “why me?” and feel angry about the decision. Mental health professionals agree that anger is a necessary stage of grief. Even although it may be very upsetting to feel anger, the more you truly feel the anger the quicker it will disappear. It is not healthy to suppress your anger, so feel it and then let it go!
Bargaining
This is the “what if” stage. What if I had worked harder, what if this had happened to a colleague and not me. Bargaining comes from a feeling of helplessness. It gives us a perceived sense of control over something that feels so out of our control. This can cause people to panic. Often people then jump straight into a desperate job search without any plan. This is never a good idea and can sometimes lead into the next stage, depression.
Depression
This is a common part of job loss and represents the emptiness you may feel from losing your job. It can creep up on you and make you start to question your self-worth. All routine can go out the window and you can find it extremely hard to get motivated. These are all normal emotions when you have experienced job loss.
Acceptance
This is where you are coming to terms with your new reality and what that means for you. Your good days start to outnumber your bad days. This is where you begin to kick start your job search and get focused again. You remind yourself that you will get a new job and that your life will start to feel normal again.
How Long Does This All Last?
Many people only experience a couple of the five stages and “recover” quickly. Others may find it takes longer than they thought to get through it. The key thing is to allow yourself the time to grieve for your job loss and then accept your situation and move on. Remind yourself that it is completely normal to be experiencing these emotions and it is also beneficial to go through them. Going through this grief cycle allows you to process your job loss and then move on. Some people do this in a matter of days, for other it takes a few weeks or even a month or two. Just try not to let it consume you. Remind yourself that you are awesome, and you will get another job.
What To Do Next
Before you jump into applying for jobs, give yourself time to think about what you want next in your career. Understand what you like doing and why you like doing it. Get 3 blank pieces of paper and then ask yourself 3 things – who, what and why? Spend a couple of hours doing this, leave it for a while and go back to it. Ask your close friends and family members for ideas. Show them what you have written and see what they can add. Each sheet of paper should list one of the following headings:
1. WHO – Who am I? What are my values, what is important to me? What are my personal attributes?
2. WHAT – What are my skills? What have I achieved in my career? What do my colleagues and friends say are my skills? What are my strengths? What comes naturally to me? What are my career achievements that I am most proud of? What makes me happy? What energises me? What are my transferable skills?
3. WHY – Why should a company employ me? What benefits would I bring if they did?
Finally
If you want to really dig deep into your career journey, and create a detailed picture, then a very helpful book on career change and job search is, “What Color is Your Parachute” by Richard N. Bolles.
Once you have finalized your resume and LinkedIn profile and are happy with these, then create a daily job search routine. You can read more about what this involves here, including how to network and look beyond just relying on the job boards and recruiters.
Remember, believe in yourself and never ever give up! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Persistence is key and having a plan and a daily/weekly routine will really help. Ensure you write everything down and keep referring to this, so you do not forget to follow up any possible job leads.
Whenever you’re ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
- Career crossroads and need clarity? Click here
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**** For anyone who feels they may also need some mental health support then please contact Beyond Blue or call their support line 1300 22 4636
